The kids will read some number of minutes each day starting today through March 10. There are several ways to pledge:

1. You can pledge by the minute. I’d estimate he would read somewhere between 200 and 400 minutes over the 10 day period, so that’d be good for $2 to $4 dollars at a penny per minute. Or you can pledge a dollar a minute, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind. :) Or something in the middle.

2. You can pledge just a flat amount and I’ll figure out what the per minute rate was when we return the paperwork by March 15.

3. You can completely ignore this email! By far the simplest solution.

I know in the past when I’ve been approached about buying stuff from students for fundraising, I balk because of the relatively small return the school sees. In this case, you will be assured that 100% of the money raised goes to the kids. That’s why *I* like it. There is a downside, of course: there will be no cookie dough or other goodies to enjoy later. To resolve this, I’d recommend you buy something you really like at the store, donate a similar amount to the school, and feel good knowing you’ve saved probably 50% of the cost that you would have paid in a school fundraiser *plus* given the school more money than they would have seen from their paltry commissions.

Thank you for reading this note. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

The Man Rules

We always hear about “the rules” from the female perspective. This list provides insight from the male point of view!

Please note: These are all numbered 1 on purpose!

1. Men are not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl now. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes & no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something, or you can tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or hockey.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape!

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight. Did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can to give them a bigger laugh.

In any case, my friend Jim Sumpter (host of a nationally syndicated radio show) asked me to come on the air for a few minutes on December 9 to talk about the case (not as an expert, but as a person in the area that had been listening to news and talk radio reports on the subject).

If you’re interested in listening, you can access the file via the link below. Note: This is not an example of my best radio work ever, but it is also not my worst (if you can believe that after listening). :)

JSS-2009-12-09-segment-with-SDR.

• Foam Missile Launcher with USB interface plus two extra packs of missiles. USB may not be quite as cool as Bluetooth (according to The Big Bang Theory), but it’s pretty cool!
• A belt clip case for my cell phone.
• Volumes 1 & 2 of the James Bond Blu-ray collection (includes 6 movies, but not in order of theatrical release; weird).
  • Die Another Day
  • Dr. No
  • Live and Let Die
  • For Your Eyes Only
  • From Russia with Love
  • Thunderball
• Star Trek Blu-ray 3 disc special edition (includes bonus digital copy, on top of the already digital Blu-ray copy; seems mildly redundant).
• A four port USB travel hub.
• A jar of Baconnaise (bacon flavored mayonnaise).
• A tube of Bacon Balm (bacon flavored lip balm).
  • You do realize that bacon is meat candy, right? Right.
• The board game Risk. It appears to be a newer edition with slightly different layout and possibly different rules.
• An 8 GB memory card (microSDHC) for my cell phone, along with a USB adapter for it. Now I have 7.5 GB free instead of a mere 3.5 GB free. Though I will be filling it as quickly as possible so as to justify the need for a 16 or 32 GB card.
• Season one of Chuck on Blu-ray!
• Season two of Chuck on Blu-ray! Scheduled for delivery on or about January 5th. Just in time for the premiere of season three on January 10th!

I searched online for a cheap (read “free”) solution to my problem. If necessary, I could have written something to do the job, but I didn’t want to if I didn’t need to. I came across the source code for a little program called PortForward. It was a simple program to accept connections from one machine and forward them to another. The only thing it didn’t do that I needed was log the network activity.

So I took the code and adapted it to my needs. The code is not perfect, but it did what I needed. Maybe you’ll find it useful.

PortForward.cpp

Note: I received permission to post it on my site, but never got around to it at the time. I just came across it again and decided to finally do it. Unfortunately, the original site doesn’t seem to be online any more.

The first man pulls over to try to stop the second from taking his life. “What are you doing?!? Surely things aren’t so bad that hanging yourself is the only solution!”

“They definitely are that bad,” came the simple reply.

“Then tell me about it, maybe you just need to talk through things.”

“One hundred years ago, if you were even *thought* to be homosexual, you’d be taken to a public place and whipped or stoned to death. Fifty years ago, if you were discovered to be homosexual you’d be completely and utterly ostracized from society, unable to find work or provide for yourself. Twenty-five years ago, homosexuality became something one didn’t talk about, but it was not a big deal and you could still lead a fairly normal life. Today, we have laws requiring public acceptance of homosexuality, forbidding discrimination under threat of punishment.”

The first man had listened to this and replied, “Okay, that’s right, but those are good things. We’ve grown as a society to the point that we care about all people and want to ensure that all have the same basic human rights. What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing is wrong with *that*. I just want to get out of here before homosexuality becomes mandatory!”

The first man mulls over this for a minute and asks, “Do you have room up there for another rope?”

I think it goes without saying that they didn’t live happily ever after.

Retold from memory (and thus perhaps not 100% accurately) from a story told by Dave Allen on the BBC program Dave Allen At Large during the 1970s.

If you’re interesting in listening, feel free to download them below.

KTKK-AM 6 Aug 2009, KTKK-AM 5 Nov 2009 Hour 1, KTKK-AM 5 Nov 2009 Hour 2.

Click on the image to see a larger (legible) version of the page.

A letter from Representative Rob Bishop dated 13 Oct 2009

Back already? That was fast!

I finally received a response yesterday to my previous inquiry regarding illegal immigration. I’ll scan and post a copy of the letter later, but I didn’t want to wait to address the latest letter.

This letter did address my primary point:

I’d really like to know exactly where you stand on this issue [of illegal immigration] and if you would sponsor or support legislation to amend where necessary and require enforcement of our immigration laws.

To summarize, he acknowledged that my topic was illegal immigration (a big step forward from the original response), stated that immigration law is the responsibility of the federal government, and pointed out an amendment he offered to a piece of legislation (the Santa Cruz Valley National Heritage Area Act) that would ensure that immigration enforcement would not be restricted in the National Heritage Area created by the act (3,325 square miles in Arizona according to the best information I can find on the subject). He also stated he was in favor of making it possible for state and local law enforcement personnel to assist in the enforcement of immigration law.

How do I feel he did in addressing the point? I felt the letter was somewhat political double talk. He seems to make clear that he stands on the side of enforcing immigration law, and that he has sponsored amendments to ensure immigration enforcement would not be restricted by specific pieces of legislation. Unfortunately, I feel his letter falls short of a commitment to actively pursue immigration legislation.

Note: I’ve paraphrased and summarized the latest letter above because I don’t have it in front of me at the moment. I plan to scan it tonight or tomorrow and post a ‘final’ update (including the scanned image of the letter) on this subject so you can read his words for yourself. If, in reading it again, I determine I was unfair above, I’ll address it at that time. That being said, I believe what I wrote above to be an accurate portrayal of the contents of the letter. You can make your own determination once I post the image of the letter.

September 1, 2009

11:22 AM	@aperiozar I have no idea how you got from a joke to an antiwar statement, but congratulations! You win the non sequitur award! In reply to: @iSDRnet 100 000 people in Iraq found dead – killed by bullets made in America. Funny? #tcot #military
12:49 PM	I’m working on a new web site for my personal stuff, and designed a new logo for it last night. What do you think? http://htxt.it/9A7M

September 2, 2009

11:48 AM

I got a credit for my part in a parody as a co-author. Only two words are mine, but the idea was mine. Thanks! http://htxt.it/HFeT

September 3, 2009

10:08 AM	@EricDSnider Re “reservation” vs “reserwation”: Was that same guy asking about nuclear wessels in Alameda? In reply to: Travelocity customer service guy must say “reservation” a thousand times a day. Yet he pronounces it “reserwation.”
10:24 AM	‘All-Terrain Hex-Legged Extra-Terrestrial Explorer’ or ATHLETE, a NASA rover. How much of the budget is spent on naming these things?
10:27 AM	http://www.hp.com/#Product HP is using a surf themed campaign to sell computers. This does not bode well for the warranty service dept.

September 4, 2009

10:19 AM	Sandee & I will pay a total tax rate (including income, sales, property, etc.) of at least 29.1% this year. I can’t wait for that to go up!
11:21 AM	Did you ever want to see a canine based Starship Enterprise? Yes, you did. http://htxt.it/EeCk

September 5, 2009

04:45 PM	Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? If they’re vultures, maybe it’s because you stink of death…
06:58 PM	Fun idea for water park: Dress up as hillbillies and try to go fishing in the cement pond.
09:43 PM	Not really a big sports fan, but how ’bout them Cougars?!? #20 BYU upsets #3 Oklahoma! Did not expect that! :)

September 6, 2009

12:34 AM

Heard the lyrics “Love is lovelier, the second time around” at the Olive Garden tonight. Based on personal experience, I think not.

September 8, 2009

09:47 PM	I’ve finished setting up my new personal website at www.scottopolis.com. I’m proud of the logo & favicon. Now I just need to post daily!
09:49 PM	@Kyzog “Sitting at a mark kay product party…” Is that the male makeup equivalent to Mary Kay? ;) In reply to: Sitting at a mark kay product party trying not to laugh
11:34 PM	I decided to change my account from iSDRnet to Scottopolis, but someone is squatting on Scottopolis! It’s ScottopolisBlog for now, I guess.

September 9, 2009

09:46 AM	3D movies are too commonplace. If you really want to pique my curiosity, try 1D. As they say, less is more!
04:01 PM	A friend shared a DIY 2D Glasses Project with me, so I decided I needed a DIY 1D Glasses Project. http://htxt.it/NWLg
06:47 PM	Health care expenses are the biggest part of our federal deficits? Hasn’t interest on the debt taken over yet?
06:49 PM	Obama won’t sign a health care bill that adds a single dime of debt. How about other bills? Pretty please?
07:41 PM	@EricDSnider Sign of socialism: My kids take money and redistribute it for food/clothing/shelter/toys/medical care/etc. Sorta. It’s a start. In reply to: Parents, please report on the new signs of socialism your children are exhibiting after Obama’s speech yesterday.
07:45 PM	@LasVegasEconomy Health insurance as we’re using it is a scam. As it should be used (for catastrophic expenses) it is (can be) a good thing. In reply to: @ScottopolisBlog – Only real #Heathcare #Reform: #OutlawInsurance. #Insurance IS a #scam #ponzisceme #theft #fraud. #Obama #Congress #Bill
08:00 PM	Anagram of my name: STOIC SNOB ROT. If I include my middle name: COLDEST ABORTIONS. Weird, huh? http://htxt.it/tv9B
08:09 PM	RT @Kyzog I want my banana // That’s not what she said.

September 10, 2009

08:09 AM	@LasVegasEconomy Why rely on insurance for catastrophe? Responsibility. Though I’m opposed to any government plan that makes it mandatory. In reply to: @ScottopolisBlog – why rely on corporations in times of catastrophy? Charity + Hippocratic oath = catastrophic coverage
12:54 PM	When Joe Wilson said “You lie!” at Obama’s address to Congress last night, he meant it as a compliment. Like “You bad!” It’s obvious!
01:10 PM	@LasVegasEconomy Saving is responsible. We need to budget for our health care. Catastrophic insurance is additional. We’re not far apart. In reply to: @ScottopolisBlog – saving is responsible. Were folks irresponsible b4 ins. existed? Ins. is irresponsible fear-mongering. #OutlawInsurance
02:08 PM	From The Onion: “… Boy Scouts Volunteer To Give Women Breast Exams” // Best. Eagle. Project. Ever!
04:45 PM	Just saw a Microsoft Bing ad on Facebook. It was displayed using Flash instead of Silverlight. I wonder if that was a Facebook requirement?
08:14 PM	@dwterry Congratulations, congratulations, and condolences. In reply to: At state fair… received 2 third place ribbons, none for the image I really wanted to place. Mixed emotions!
10:09 PM	Stanley didn’t say this, but it appears he noticed a cute girl from one of Sandee’s classes. Twelves years old. Right on schedule.

September 11, 2009

09:34 PM

@EricDSnider “Laotians” is only a couple letters removed from “Martians”. Coincidence? I think not. In reply to: To clarify a previous tweet: While I only like certain dishes of Thai food, I like all Thai people. Laotians, on the other hand….

September 12, 2009

10:10 PM

I tried out for Jeopardy once, but never blogged it. If I never told you, read http://bit.ly/QXTOz

September 13, 2009

01:08 PM	I found a Korean page that links back to my old blog: http://htxt.it/BQ7i … www.isdr.net is linked, but WHY?!?
09:26 PM	Brian Boitano is *FABULOUS*, if you know what I’m saying…
09:43 PM	“You know what I find odd?” my co-worker asked. “One, three, five, seven, nine?” I immediately replied. Thank you! I’ll be here all week!

September 14, 2009

09:07 PM	I wrote to my congressman about immigration. The response was about health care. http://bit.ly/1GqzRg
09:08 PM	RT @EricDSnider I like to think that Patrick Swayze and Chris Farley are doing the Chippendales sketch in heaven now.

September 15, 2009

12:26 PM

Updates about letter from Rob Bishop’s office: http://htxt.it/4DTG & http://htxt.it/0VTQ

September 16, 2009

10:09 AM	Bought some “Grilled Cheese Cracker Sandwiches” for a snack. They’re okay, but a very poor substitute for real grilled cheese sandwiches.
10:30 AM	If you’re looking for a wife, look no further! http://htxt.it/bBCE
10:58 AM	Where were you when the Death Star fell? http://htxt.it/tCKp
02:28 PM	Only in Washington DC is a 223 page document referred to as “a summary”. Yeesh.
03:19 PM	From a friend’s email: “We must limit all politicians to two terms: One in office and one in jail.”
06:25 PM	‘Laugh-In’ actor Henry Gibson dies at 73: http://htxt.it/qnIh

September 17, 2009

12:52 AM	Maybe someday I’ll be able to see all colors! http://htxt.it/4Ozy It’s not like I’m blind or paralyzed, but I think it’s exciting!
02:11 PM	WTF?!? This is just going too far… http://htxt.it/AQu2
02:37 PM	From Wikipedia: “[The USS] Congress was the least notable of the [original] six [frigates of the US Navy]…” Just like today’s US Congress!

September 18, 2009

09:47 AM	Brilliant burglar breaks into home, logs into computer to check Facebook, and forgets to log out. http://htxt.it/bgPz
12:44 PM	I’m changing my primary email address, so I updated my profile on a site. Now I’m locked out! <sniff>
12:54 PM	@petullant “Dear Rotund Man In Red Crocs..” I was afraid you meant me until I reread the Red Crocs bit. WHEW! In reply to: Dear Rotund Man In Red Crocs Talking Loudly About All The Women Who Won’t Stop Calling You: No one is buying what you’re selling. Love, Llew
12:55 PM	@petullant Also: stop calling me. HA! In reply to: Dear Rotund Man In Red Crocs Talking Loudly About All The Women Who Won’t Stop Calling You: No one is buying what you’re selling. Love, Llew

September 19, 2009

08:53 PM

@RandyTayler Regarding bacon air fresheners: My co-workers and I spent way too much time a couple months ago trying to find bacon Scentsy. In reply to: Why don’t they make bacon-scented air fresheners? Is the science holding it back? Cuz surely it’s not the market.

September 20, 2009

01:23 AM	Top Firefox spell check suggestion for @EricDSnider: @Bactericide.
01:24 AM	Top Firefox spell check suggestion for @ScottopolisBlog: @Cosmopolitanism.
01:50 AM	Male enhancement product Extenze sponsors a NASCAR team. There is a joke there somewhere…
01:52 AM	From an infomercial: “I’m doing this program without a script…” A scripted line if ever there was one! :)
10:43 AM	If you’ve ever wondered how much pre-digital storage it would take to hold all your digital media, look here: http://htxt.it/AI1v
11:10 AM	I just found a month old bit.ly shortened link that already expired! That seems troubling if you want your tweets to last a while…

September 21, 2009

10:52 AM	Critics of GPS watch for kids ask: “[Do] parents [really] need to track children electronically?” Let’s ask Jaycee Dugard’s parents…
11:10 AM	Happy Birthday to my son Sean, who turns 17 today! Hope you’re having a great day!
11:20 AM	@TardisCaptain Didn’t you recently start a new job? Is this another new job? A newer new job, if you will? In reply to: Heading to new job today. Woot.

September 22, 2009

07:39 AM	@AdamOndi As for ice: just wait. I don’t know about San Antonio, but in Dallas a half inch of snow will shut everything down! In reply to: woke up to a nice drenching rain storm this morning. Once again, San Antonioans FREAK OUT on the road when it rains. Come on. It’s not ice.
08:18 AM	A friend’s kid, a Cub Scout working toward Wolf, learned the F-word from his den mother. No word yet on whether she was angry or a Cougar.
10:09 AM	@dwterry My wife says she’s got 3G in Layton. I just checked downtown SLC and I’m still Edge. In reply to: Alternating 3G and Edge here in Riverton. #tmobile #android
10:41 AM	@dwterry Oops. I had set my phone 2G only to preserve battery. Turning that off makes 3G available downtown SLC. #tmobile #android In reply to: Alternating 3G and Edge here in Riverton. #tmobile #android
10:42 AM	@dwterry Also heard it is working in Provo & Springville. #tmobile #android
02:00 PM	97% of OK HS students failed a citizenship test survey. I want to believe the methodology was flawed… http://htxt.it/tXWv
03:59 PM	I just posted this blog entry about a PEZ dispenser. I’m sure you’ll find it *fascinating*. :) http://htxt.it/k1bO
09:40 PM	@EricDSnider Working title for “Accidentally On Purpose” was “Dharma & Greg but the roles are reversed”. It was too long so they changed it. In reply to: Jenna Elfman’s new sitcom ACCIDENTALLY ON PURPOSE: accidentally not funny. Or maybe it was intentional. Either way, NOT FUNNY.

September 24, 2009

09:30 AM	Overheard on radio: MSNBC is the only cable news network that has more letters in its name than listeners.
09:33 AM	Also: The Statue of Liberty, a gift from France, one arm held high. That’s funny, when I think of France, I think of both arms held high.
10:32 AM	From a friend’s comment: Italian cars are unusual in that they have five gears. One forward, four in reverse.
11:21 AM	More proof that President Obama wants to be the center of attention: Presiding at a UN Security Council meeting. Not addressing. Presiding.
11:23 AM	It seems to me that there is little President Obama won’t do to be in the media before the people. Not just being discussed, but visible.
12:36 PM	Well, maybe not like a hawk, since a cat would be prey to a hawk, but you know what I mean.
12:36 PM	Two friends have lost cats in the last day or so. Lost as in they died, not ran away. In any case, if you have a cat, watch it like a hawk.
12:55 PM	Dear HelloTxt: When I submit multiple updates, would you please post them in order so I don’t sound like Yoda with his weird backward speak?
01:14 PM	Former CDC employees: Do you have any idea who bought the company crap at auction in 1997? I’m wondering about the Dvorak award for PPL. :)

September 25, 2009

07:20 PM	From a forwarded email: “If a man yells ‘You lie!’ in a room full of politicians, how do they know who he’s talking to?”
07:22 PM	Another forwarded email: Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. Recovery is when Obama loses his.
08:37 PM	RT @EricDSnider Time-lapse photography proves Obama is actually a cardboard cut-out, or possibly a wax figure. http://htxt.it/3Y9P

September 28, 2009

11:01 AM

I took my work laptop home Friday in case I needed to do any work from home, then left it there this morning when I came to work. #IMStupid

September 29, 2009

10:02 AM	Using Digsby to manage IM, Email, and Twitter from one application – http://twitter.digsby.com
10:45 AM	Test status update from Digsby. http://digs.by/R93

September 30, 2009

12:55 PM	RT @RandyTayler: “Woody Allen wants R. Polanski freed. Huh. Never would’ve guessed he’d take the side of a pedophi- oh, wait, that’s right.”
12:57 PM	RT @EricDSnider: “Yes, R. Polanski raped a child. But … he’s been living in Europe for 30 years! Hasn’t he been punished enough? Amirite?”
01:09 PM	@famousamosss It was a joke that I retweeted. Just because something is funny (that tweet) doesn’t mean I condone Polanski’s actions. Chill! In reply to: @ScottopolisBlog sorry what do you mean with punished enough.Would u say the same things if it were your Daughter? Give me abreak!!
2:12 PM	Got home from work yesterday to discover part of my driveway was missing. No notice or warning. Now it’s a cement pond! http://pic.im/c77